PROJECT EXCELSIOR!!!!!

YOU ALL NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW. A SINGLE BREATH FROM JOE KITTINGER DWARFS ANYTHING YOU HAVE EVER DONE OR WILL EVER DO IN YOUR COMPARATIVELY PATHETIC AND ENTIRELY WORTHLESS LIVES. IT ALSO HAS THE GREATEST NAME.

this could have been much funnier

but premise alone earns it a half-attentive watch: ferrell/murray vs. arnett/roddick. also, quddus!! see, this kind of thing happens in new york all the time, but what do you fools know:

first he bingeth, then he purgeth away

Why did it have to be snakes?!

Hungover in gryll's dark basement

That was some binge-blogging last Friday, so it's no surprise everyone is tuckered out.

Well, Reading Rainbow has had enough, too. Unplug those headphones and turn this throw-back theme song over to the speakers.

straight up kickin it.

"The Dog Days Of Summer" from Paul John on Vimeo.

well on that note.

sorry to do this again, but this is just too much: poodles groomed to look like different animals!

this is all from the daily mail, a british newspaper, and there were plenty more, i just stuck to this one theme. fucking insane!!

this is the scariest to me by far

PJ

Did any of you get to the Pearl Jam show? Kot's review.

Gilllllyyyyyy

Kind of Reminds me PeeWee (the get out of my camera face one)?




I'm Coming home from the 4th of Rocktember to Never Forget Day (formerly Andy's b-day). Who's down to play some video games or maybe katch a matinee of Julie and Julia?
--April in the Yellow Jumpsuit

I hereby certify the following post does not contain pornography.

Why Men Worship Shaved Vaginas - The best home videos are here

i'll show you radio silence

i merely had a hand in bringing the video to the morning meeting. the resulting sketch was a byproduct of stale coffee and embittered nerds, i.e. staff writers.

here she blows:



and yes, i'm aware of how unfunny it is.

personally I prefer TREEVENGE. believe me: it's well worth the 16 minutes.



and as for you zach, i have this to say...



good night and good luck.

Keep 'em coming boys!!

So I was researching facebook stats by competitors for Old Style's fb page (become a friend if ya haven't and tell your other friends!) and i came across this article in AdAge about the creepy PalmPre commercials from Sprint and read this:

"The ads have prompted a blogger outcry that's already yielded one popular YouTube parody and an exorcism-themed sketch on G4's "Attack of the Show," with a fair helping of Tweets to boot. (Sample tweets: @hardheadedwoman "Palm Pre commercial -- annoying, creepy or annoying and creepy?"; @brekee "Why is the Palm Pre lady so creepy?"; and @maggieallyse "Those creepy palm pre commercials make me NOT want to buy it.") "

Tim, know you've gone radio silence, but did you have anything to do with this sketch? Can we get some hyperlinx down in the basement to view? Adam, popcorn?

Welcome to the Weekend

Back to Respectable

Great to see the posts flowing. This will blow your mind in about 9.58 seconds.

nice little Summer Friday in blogtown

inspired by aldum's first post in forever, here is the complete opposite of stacking respectability. this shit drives me nuts, like drown-their-parents nuts. what a cunt. so i'm jealous, whatever.

also, for some reason, i think these are just priceless (all you need is the first 40 seconds of the first one):

Mitch, you never should have left chicago.



also any ideas for how we can do better than this:

josh, you come to chicago and go to lolla and don't bother to call!?!!?

I'M TRYING TO USE THE PHONE!!!!!

Pitchfork is doing this Best Music of the Decade thing

i wasn't going to post this because its just the kind of thing that pisses you off, not because they present it like the be-all end-all it isn't (a problem a lot of other self-important listmakers have), which they don't do, but just because so much of the early part of it is like obscure euro techno and they talk about it like its all meaningful and shit in their absurdly pretentious prose and that pisses me off (read their description of song #101 to see what i mean).


its a few days old and they've just started with counting down the top 500 songs. because of the annoying shit i mentioned, its only worth paying attention to starting at like #150. they're not done, but i have to say, there's WAY less to disagree with than i expected, if you're equally into your indie shit as you are pop and (mainstream) hip hop, like pitchfork is (and i am, too, obscure euro techno very much aside). you can also listen to every single song on there, there are worse ways to throw away some time at work.


i'm just going to keep these coming, my treasure chest overfloweth.

slow down fatty, we're not on the moon yet

Scenic views from the office

The Story Arc of Jeremy Mayfield

So I've been wanting to do this post since yesterday but I didn't want to look like a weenie after Josh's awesome post. I guess I will still look like a weenie but at least I waited longer then 15 minutes after that slew of awesomeness (btw doesn't that Batman kid look like Alex in his prime?)

So as some of you may know I am a NASCAR enthusiast. I don't like watching the races but I do like following the story lines. Jimmie Johnson (my favorite racer) is going for his 4th consecutive Sprint Cup title this year. This is simply unprecedented and if I was a bigger hillbilly I would be wearing #48 hat and funneling beers while writing this post.

Some of you may have heard about Jeremy Mayfield. This has been the best NASCAR storyline in recent memory. And is more entertaining than Brett Favre, that '03 steroids list and dog fighting rings combined. So I present the saga of Jeremy Mayfield in the form of a timeline.


1995-2009- Jeremy Mayfield enters the Winston Cup Series (NASCAR) in 1995. He was a disappointment much of his early career finishing low in the overall standings and winning very few top ten finishes. Mayfield bounced from team to team because of his inconsistent overall finishes. Though he did enjoy a brief period of success early this decade reaching his peak in 2005 when he finished 9th in the overall standings.

January 2009- Mayfield decides to start his own race team Mayfield Racing.

May 9th, 2009- NASCAR announces that Mayfield has failed a random drug test but does not reveal what he tested positive for. Mayfield responds with this statement "In my case, I believe that the combination of a prescribed medicine and an over the counter medicine reacted together and resulted in a positive drug test". These two drugs being Claritan D and Adderal. Mayfield is suspended indefinitely as both a racer and an owner.

May29th, 2009- Mayfield is sticking by his story despite NASCAR's resident doctor repeatedly disputing Mayfield's claim. Mayfield decides to ask a federal judge to rescind NASCAR's suspension.

June 3rd, 2009- NASCAR reveals that Mayfield tested positive for an illegal drug with side effects that include paranoia, aggressive behavior and psychosis. Also stating that Mayfield was in wrecks in 3 of the 5 races he was in during the 2009 season.

June 9th, 2009- ESPN reports that anonymous source has revealed that May field tested positive for methamphetamine; ice, glass, crystal etc. Mayfield responds "I have never taken methamphetamines in my life, and when accused of taking them I immediately volunteered to give another sample."

June 16th, 2009- It is revealed that Mayfields expert witness Dr. Harvey MacFenerstein lied about his credentials and does not have the medical degrees or certifications he listed. Here's a look at MacFenerstein's true medical history: Medical Degree in 1982 from Universidad Centro de Estudios Tecnologicos, more commonly called Universidad C.E.T.E.C. in the Dominican Republic. He studied there from 1980 to 1982 after transferring from Universidad Del Noreste in Tampico, Tamaulipas, Mexico, where he studied from 1978 to 1980. Ha! Mexican medical school!

July 1st, 2009-
The judge agrees wit Mayfield's lawyer that only a habitual meth user would produce an accurate result and he is thus cleared to race again. Meanwhile Mayfield's stepmother signs an affidavit saying she saw Mayfield do meth about 30 times over the past 7 years. Mayfield's stepmother also stated that Mayfield cooked up his own meth until the ingredients became too hard to find. She then files a defamation lawsuit against Mayfield because he said things like this "She's basically a whore. She shot and killed my dad."

July 16th, 2009- Mayfield tests Positive for meth a second time. Mayfield continues to deny this saying "I didn't think they were going to come back and say I was clean, they have a hard time admitting when they're wrong." Mayfield and his lawyer claim that NASCAR is setting Mayfield up. They also claim to have results from an independent lab where Mayfield tested negative.

July 26th, 2009- Mayfield sells 6 race cars, his parts and his hauler presumably to buy more meth.

August 16th, 2009- Mayfield's stepmother is arrested at Mayield's house. She is apparently both high and drunk. She is charged with trespassing and public intoxication. To be continued...

This is a saga if I have ever seen one. I just did about 3 hours of research to write this boringly long post and I hope at least one person made it to the end. Klatt, I expect your notes.

So long Mr. Mayfield...

image search: portrait...you're welcome for each and every last one of these