"If I had gone to Dartmouth, today I'd be getting an honorary degree at Harvard. Imagine how awesome that would be."

I haven't wanted to watch Conan since he launched on TBS. Every time I would turn it on, there hung this weird cloud over him. I kept seeing rejected Conan and he kept joking about it.

But I think one honest part of this speech helps clear it up. Make it full screen. It's worth all 23.